You know how Jesus said the last will be first and the first will be last? Interesting, huh? In our society of self help, we are bombarded with tips for improvement so we can be the best, the prettiest, the sexiest, the most clever, the richest, and many more est's. It is sickening to me. I fear that I am a bit more competitive than I should be. I do compare myself to others and if I can find a way in which I am better, then I give myself a sick little pat on the back. Why are we competitive? Doesn't it keep us from responding in a loving, real way? I think I am afraid of simply "be-ing" and I fear that if I don't push myself, I'll simply disappear. Wouldn't that be okay? I remember when I was a Camp Fire Girl and we sang at a nursing home. I saw a very skinny, very sad OLD lady in the audience and it gave me bad dreams for the longest time and I think it was because she was so invisible. She was inside the nursing home, sitting in a crowd of other old people. She no longer had influence, the where with all to glam herself up or the mobility to go out and make something happen. I think it registered a hit with me. I was very young and had the power given to children, the power of a future. She had no power at all and I found that shocking. I've noticed, now that I really am older, that with age comes a certain amount of invisibility. At school, I think I'm pretty amazing and others see me as a nice, old, granny type who does have some gifts with kids but certainly isn't in the race for "the coolest" and is most likely quite boring. Yes, I'm not so willing to be last. I still think it feels nice to be first. But, I'm a sheep that does not have a lot of stand out qualities and I'm greatly comforted that Jesus didn't pick the all-stars, he picked real people who had faults, less than stellar resumes and no clout. I like Charlie Brown. He's a loser and so am I.