This morning I was getting the house ready for Bill's meeting and I went outside to put something in the trash and spoke with my neighbor for a minute. She asked me about my summer and we began talking about school. Something about the conversation (not my dear neighbor - she's awesome!) triggered a tiny little glum mood. Drat. I have four more weeks until we report back, but my mind began skipping like a broken record and I let myself feel grouchy about going back to the whirlwind of school. I get a little scared when I remember how busy it is at school and I also get scared when I can't muster up any enthusiasm for teaching. This feeling comes and goes (thankfully) but when it comes - it is real.
There are so many parts of it I love (like the kids)! I love writing on their papers, encouraging them and investing in their lives, thinking of meaningful work for them to complete . . . but it isn't always the most positive environment - it's out of my control. I stayed home for so many years, choosing how to use my time, leaving a lot of time in the day for spontaneous fun and also using quiet moments for afternoon coffee and journaling. I'm just not a person that likes to hurry or rush and without God's GREAT grace I would be a miserable failure at teaching. So, the grumpy mood came and then it went and in four more weeks, I'll have the zip to get back at it. But, meanwhile. . . I'm loving other wonderful moments like . . .
this little prince. He is almost one! He is the happiest little love bug ever and he was so kind to make this funny face for my camera tonight. I love FINN!
And I have had the most wonderful moments with Miss Bug! She and I have cuddled and kissed. She's learned to roll over and hold toys. . . she smiles and laughs and wins our hearts EVERY time we look at her.
See what I mean? Look at that smile! She means to connect and she loves feedback. I'm in awe of her!
Somehow, I've reached such a place of contentment in our home. I'm not all restless, wanting to change things or buy things. I went downstairs into the family room this afternoon, to read for a while (and snooze) and I sat on the couch looking at my out of date wallpaper border and funny Wal-Mart curtains and I thought, "I love this room. I should sit here whenever I'm feeling crabby!" It feels good to be settled and love our house.
And how could I not be dancing with joy when I watch CB and Birdie bonding? They hold hands and laugh together, chase each other around, and bump into each other and run to their respective mommies. How awesome to have a cousin your age! These two profiles bring tears to my eyes.
And this is my Brad. Our oldest child, the happy guitar player, leading us in our singing! It's crazy and noisy when everyone is here together now that both Brad and Kelli have two children each and parenting responsibilities of their own - but it's VERY blissful! Smile.
And JOE! Look at him! He's so sound, so fun, so funny! He's home and I'm so grateful. He's exploring going to Asia, seeking out possible opportunities and praying about what that may look like. Until then, I'm one happy mama having him here and because I'm home during the day now, I see him a little more even though he's working a lot.
I love this picture of the two girls with their twin messy buns. My two little women. I adore their company and their husbands' company as well. I love watching them learn to be grown ups and I'm so proud of them because they both LOVE looking forward and responding to the carving that life renders their souls.
So, I am a stay at home gal at heart, but the Lord is in my teaching, too. Even when I get discouraged about giving so much of myself to it, HE proves faithful and encourages me to go on. So I leave you with the words of a song we sang tonight. I hope they bless you.
Here I Am to Worship
Light of the world you came down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with you
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're all together lovely
All together worthy
All together wonderful to me
King of all days oh so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly you came to the earth you created
All for loves sake became poor
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I read somewhere: No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. I wonder if reading the words above brought a few tears to your eyes, too.