Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Imaginary Audience

My prayers this morning, in the journal/sketchbook

What I've been thinking about the last few days . . .
I'm trying something I've never tried before. I think I told you that I was reading a book about the Holy Spirit. It's written very simply which makes the premise even more of a paradox. The Spirit of God is mysterious, vast, and unseen and this book reads very lightly. I haven't read much of it, so I can't tell you more than this: I've decided to really chase my "imaginary audience" away with a vengeance. How? Instead of talking to my pretend audience when I'm driving in the car or staring out the window, I am going to lay it all out there with the Lord. I think I have cheated HIM out of a lot of relationship with me, because I'd rather have verbal rehearsals with listeners that do not exist than speak intimately with HIM. Have you ever heard of the idea "imaginary audience"? I think about this a lot when I read friends' updates on facebook. I often wonder who they are aiming their quips at and specifically WHO they think might be impressed with their doings. Let me explain a bit more. If my audience is the Creator of the Universe, I may not have QUITE so much to say. If my audience is composed of people who really love me for me even though I am flaky and inconsistent, then I will share different things, because I don't need to impress them - they already love me. My imaginary audience consists of critics, people who don't love me yet, people that I think really should start appreciating me and realizing my amazing-ness . . . you get the point. So as much as I entertain myself when I talk to the imaginary audience, trying to convince this nonexistent group that I am REALLY cool and VERY unique, I am trying to remember to STOP and say the same thing to Jesus. I'm telling HIM more than before, and I must admit I feel a little shy about some of the dumb stuff I worry about and the trivial issues I notice and mention to HIM now, but I'm seeing more of my silly ways and I'm FEELING HIS favor and HIS tenderness toward me. So, I hope HE is okay with me sharing this with you. What do you think?


Andrea said...

My heart has been blessed, very blessed, by my visit with you this evening, dear friend.

I sensed so much sincerity, so much truth! May the Lord help me to be and do the same!

I appreciate you. I also want to thank you again for your prayers for my dear son and his wife whle they were in Niger.

If you don't mind, would you once again whisper a prayer? My husband and I are leaving in the morning to go to Missouir to be with them, as my son has seemingly come down with something. It is most likely related to the Africa trip.

Again, I appreciate you - just for being you!



Gretchen Joanna said...

I think God is revealing all this to you, and isn't He good!? He is jealous. It reminds me of a quote from C.S. Lewis: "[God] is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him." --The Problem of Pain

Deborah said...

Pom Pom, you are amazing! I'm glad you are you!! Thank you so much for this inspiring and very real post. I call those feeling the masks I wear. God is teaching me so much about prayer this year! Through you, and through books.


Left-Handed Housewife said...

I love what Gretchen Joanna says above--and of course what C.S. Lewis says. This has been a good post for me to read--I direct a lot of my inner chatter to an imaginary audience, too. I need to be quiet in my mind more and practice more discernment about where the Spirit is leading me. Good reminder, Pom Pom!


SusanB-knits said...

I forgot to mention the grandpuppies (2) are here too! ...not quiet (lol)

Kerri said...

Oh I needed to hear this tonight, thank you. I spend far too much time with my imaginary audience, in fact I'm sure that's why I feel rather miserable tonight.