What do YOU Think?

 Truth is, the pavement is dusty and the street is lined with serviceable cars and trucks.  The dog walkers look very ordinary and the dogs themselves are not show dogs.  The air is a bit sultry.  Windows are not sparkly clean in my neighborhood.  
Even the neighbors I don't know always say hello, though.  I think we all need to step outdoors a bit more often.  What if we set timers and every two hours, we went outside to run around for fifteen minutes or so?  Even in nursing homes, it wouldn't hurt to wheel all the ladies and gentlemen out to sniff some fresh air, would it?  I feel very cooped up at school. 
At least I'm closer to the door this year.  

 I picked up two leaves for my nature table.  I had to put them in a fat book Bill's reading so they'll flatten out.  Turns out picking up stuff off the ground involves bending over.  I'm a stiff old granny.

"There is always one moment in a day when I think my heart will break.  Such a moment I think all women have, and men too, when all the meaning of life seems distilled and caught up and you feel you can never, never bear to leave it.  It may be when you turn and look down a blazing autumn road or it may be when you see your house under great ancient trees or it may be, in the city, when you look up at a towering apartment building and see one light and think "that is mine."  It may be any one of a number of things, according to the circumstances of your life.
But there is the moment, and all the heartaches and sorrows of your life suddenly diminish and only the fine brave things stand out.  You breathe sharp clean air, your eyes lift to the eternal wildness of the sky."     ~ Gladys Taber (Stillmeadow Daybook)


One of the many sweet features of October is the perfect temperature.  Last night I snuggled in our bed wearing my "Eat Crab" hooded sweatshirt.  I thought, "I feel just right.  Not too hot.  Not too cold." Why do you suppose that people over a certain age (let's just say around 50) wake up a bit more often during the night?  I think it might provide us with extra opportunities to figure things out.  I rarely come up with solutions when I'm wakeful, but I think a little more pondering upon the basics helps.  Maybe.  Maybe not.
I rarely woke up during the night when I was younger.  I was out cold, snoring away until morning.  Now I find myself thinking, "There you are again." 
What do you think about when you wake up before morning?


Another thing I'd like to ask you is, what's your favorite story?  We're reading short stories at school and some of the stories in the book are SO DUMB.  We're learning about plot, theme, character and setting, tone, mood, and what not.  I just can't bear to discuss stories that don't have any spirit in them.  I try to imagine sitting around a camp fire telling tales and I believe the stories should change our thinking in some way.  Do you think so?
Okay, thank you for the help, good visitor, good seeker, good sleeper, good thinker.  Until we meet again . . . 

Admired or Known?

Welcome!
It's almost time for me to get organized and dash out the door. I wanted to pop in and say hello and ask you something.

Come up and sit in my nest a minute.

You can snuggle in with one of my birdies.

Here's the question that formed in my morning mind as I read in one of my devotionals.
Most of the time, do I want to be admired more than I want to be known?

Most of the time, even though I feel compelled to be gregarious, I really want to be shy. Simply being admired (and we admire everyone for something, really) is easier than letting people really know me. I find myself controlling how much people know about me. This is largely because most people don't push too hard. Bill does. He asks great questions and keeps asking. He knocks at my private little hide-away of a heart. He knocks and knocks and finally I come to the door all exasperated like Rabbit when Winnie the Pooh persists at his little rabbit hole, and really I'm quite relieved that someone loves me so much and cares about my thinking so much. Our kids know me. They ask questions and pay attention. So I care more about being known than being admired on the family front. But other fronts . . . I am not sure. I'm pretty sure I could use a little more vulnerability. Just wondering a bit. What do you think?

As I've been arranging my little Pom Pom den, I've been admiring my books. I love them so. I haven't read all of these. I'm going to choose a few to read closely this summer. THEN, I'm going to roar through pages of my journal and write and write and write and write.

I miss this little flower girl. After I stay with Bird and Bug for a week while their parents go to Hawaii, I'm going to tool up to Ft. Collins to see this happy family. Next Tuesday, Kelli and Bryan leave and Granny shall move into their house. Grampy will be home from Cambodia and pop in and out.

Oh, let's just look at flowers now.

I'm out the back door to water a bit and then I shall have a quiet weekend because Jeff and some of his friends are taking a road trip around Colorado. The class I'm taking has been happy. The women at my table are VERY fun and we've been going out to lunch together (the best part of the day, I think!) I'll see if I can take some photos of them today. They are nice so I think they'll say yes.

I wish you a blissful day. Maybe you will really enjoy the tea berry taste in your cup today or maybe your peanut butter sandwich will assault your taste buds with an extra special zing. Maybe your kids will say something funny or maybe you'll create something you like today. Whatever little encouragement comes your way, I hope you'll bump up against someone who really wants to know you. I know someone who already does.

Imaginary Audience

My prayers this morning, in the journal/sketchbook

What I've been thinking about the last few days . . .
I'm trying something I've never tried before. I think I told you that I was reading a book about the Holy Spirit. It's written very simply which makes the premise even more of a paradox. The Spirit of God is mysterious, vast, and unseen and this book reads very lightly. I haven't read much of it, so I can't tell you more than this: I've decided to really chase my "imaginary audience" away with a vengeance. How? Instead of talking to my pretend audience when I'm driving in the car or staring out the window, I am going to lay it all out there with the Lord. I think I have cheated HIM out of a lot of relationship with me, because I'd rather have verbal rehearsals with listeners that do not exist than speak intimately with HIM. Have you ever heard of the idea "imaginary audience"? I think about this a lot when I read friends' updates on facebook. I often wonder who they are aiming their quips at and specifically WHO they think might be impressed with their doings. Let me explain a bit more. If my audience is the Creator of the Universe, I may not have QUITE so much to say. If my audience is composed of people who really love me for me even though I am flaky and inconsistent, then I will share different things, because I don't need to impress them - they already love me. My imaginary audience consists of critics, people who don't love me yet, people that I think really should start appreciating me and realizing my amazing-ness . . . you get the point. So as much as I entertain myself when I talk to the imaginary audience, trying to convince this nonexistent group that I am REALLY cool and VERY unique, I am trying to remember to STOP and say the same thing to Jesus. I'm telling HIM more than before, and I must admit I feel a little shy about some of the dumb stuff I worry about and the trivial issues I notice and mention to HIM now, but I'm seeing more of my silly ways and I'm FEELING HIS favor and HIS tenderness toward me. So, I hope HE is okay with me sharing this with you. What do you think?

Roads and Rocks

"I ON YOUR PATH, O GOD
YOU, O GOD, ON MY WAY"
~CELTIC WALKING PRAYER

Do you know that song from Sunday school, the one about the wise man building his house upon the rock and the foolish man building his house on the sand? I honestly remember thinking, "Do we have to keep TALKING and SINGING about this dumb guy who built his house on the sand? Can't we just KNOW it and move on?" Even as a child, I hated conflict!

Here's another BIG rock located in the North Cascades in Washington. Build your house here, huh?

You know the Robert Frost poem, "The Road Not Taken" and I do, too. I keep seeing roads like this everywhere. A long time ago, a group at the church we were going to was reading the book, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD. I remember thinking, "What's the big deal? I just don't get it." But I just checked out the book on Amazon and read through the table of contents. Hmmmm. Maybe all these roads I'm seeing are saying, "Read that book now."

I see roads and paths just like this one (this is actually my brother's driveway) and I find myself taking great comfort in not knowing why. Smile.

There are little surprises everywhere. There are astonishing connected events and thoughts everywhere - I'm sure you've felt it in the blog world, just as I have. What do all these repeated images, repeated words, repeated truths MEAN? When YOU hunker down and write in your journal, read deep writings, sit on your back porch drinking tea and drinking in the invisible, what is happening to you? What's God doing in your soul? What kind of appreciation is surfacing? What "ah ha" moments are lighting up? What do you know today that you didn't know yesterday? Tell me, tell me, please.

Moonlight and Morning Light

Bill took this picture after a day of sailing in New Zealand and I got it as I was dropping off to sleep last night. He said, "You would have LOVED this!" and he's right I would have. Boats = SO FUN! The ocean = beauty beyond explanation! He loved it, too. Yay!

I went to bed early last night because my back hurt so I woke up VERY early to pink sky. I had to go outside and capture this quiet and beautiful backdrop. I find myself wanting everything simple, nature, my quiet house . . . in big doses. I wonder why. I have a huge feeling of appreciation of beauty right now and I don't want it clouded with the hustle and bustle. I'm so glad that the Lord is SO gracious. I do not really know how to order my life and choose things. I just want to be. A friend and I met for coffee today and we talked a little about how tempting it is to go "crazy judgmental" when observing different ways people do things and how people end up living out their values. I found myself getting kind of mad and bitter and I'm not so sure it was righteous anger. It may have been a little ugly disgust instead of compassionate concern about souls. I'm sorry. I'm trying to figure out how to move into deep intimacy with other souls and not just enjoy shallow associations, in my neighborhood, my work place, my community. What do you think? Have you ever heard talk of the desert fathers and mothers and their compulsion to "flee the shipwreck"? Our world holds extreme confusion and sadness and all the input and cultural exposure drags me down. What lasts? What matters? Jesus is enough. Yes, it's Jesus + NOTHING.