My prayers this morning, in the journal/sketchbook
What I've been thinking about the last few days . . .
I'm trying something I've never tried before. I think I told you that I was reading a book about the Holy Spirit. It's written very simply which makes the premise even more of a paradox. The Spirit of God is mysterious, vast, and unseen and this book reads very lightly. I haven't read much of it, so I can't tell you more than this: I've decided to really chase my "imaginary audience" away with a vengeance. How? Instead of talking to my pretend audience when I'm driving in the car or staring out the window, I am going to lay it all out there with the Lord. I think I have cheated HIM out of a lot of relationship with me, because I'd rather have verbal rehearsals with listeners that do not exist than speak intimately with HIM. Have you ever heard of the idea "imaginary audience"? I think about this a lot when I read friends' updates on facebook. I often wonder who they are aiming their quips at and specifically WHO they think might be impressed with their doings. Let me explain a bit more. If my audience is the Creator of the Universe, I may not have QUITE so much to say. If my audience is composed of people who really love me for me even though I am flaky and inconsistent, then I will share different things, because I don't need to impress them - they already love me. My imaginary audience consists of critics, people who don't love me yet, people that I think really should start appreciating me and realizing my amazing-ness . . . you get the point. So as much as I entertain myself when I talk to the imaginary audience, trying to convince this nonexistent group that I am REALLY cool and VERY unique, I am trying to remember to STOP and say the same thing to Jesus. I'm telling HIM more than before, and I must admit I feel a little shy about some of the dumb stuff I worry about and the trivial issues I notice and mention to HIM now, but I'm seeing more of my silly ways and I'm FEELING HIS favor and HIS tenderness toward me. So, I hope HE is okay with me sharing this with you. What do you think?
