Spotty Little Heart

When I was fourteen, I flew across the state to go to camp for a weekend. My older sister invited me to Young Life camp at Camp Easter Seal. I was nervous because having lived in the same little town all my life, I was unsure of my friend making skills and had never been "the new kid" before. I didn't do a lot of talking that weekend. What moved me was the music. I remember thinking, "I hope I remember these songs. Please, let me remember these songs when I get home." I did. I used to dry my long, tangled hair over the heat vent. My younger sister and I would crank up the heat and lie on the tile, whipping through our hair with a brush until it was dry. As I was drying my hair with dusty air, I'd sing to myself, "Be sure of this. Be VERY sure of this, I'm with you always. Even 'til the end of the world." It soothed me. I needed to hear Jesus' voice telling me this very sure truth. I'm here. I'm with you. Forever.

I sought Him. I read my Living Bible, underlined interesting words, looked up verses using a devotional guide, and wrote in my spiral notebook/journal. Now over thirty-five years later, I'm still singing some of those songs to myself. I'm still trying to know Him. I try to do what He'd like for me to do and I think He is asking me to humble myself. So, that's what Lent is going to look like for me. I'm joining in A Pause in Lent and I'll post about it Sunday and give you the link. This morning I read about humility and miraculously I felt quieted today, nondescript and calm.

My tulips are so rich, so other worldly. The contrast between their glory and my tired, droopy self comforts me.

So, here is my spotty little heart, given to the God of the Universe. Still.